Saturday, March 17, 2007

Probability

Probability is a strange thing. One might say that there is a 99.99 % probability of a thing not happening, but still it can happen. So is luck... to the unscientific mind, probability is luck. In this context, I dont know where destiny stands... The most interesting thing in all these is that how one percieves probability reflects his psychological state... Lets return to our 99.9% example. If for someone the probability that 99.9% something happening is favourable, still he can choose to be happy or unhappy. For, if he thinks the odds are pretty high that the event will happen(strategy a), he will be happy. If he thinks 0.01% probability doesn't rule out failure (strategy b), then he is unhappy. So then comes the issue of flexibility. If you are flexible, choosing either strategy a or b depending on the situation, then u will be either happy or sad all the time. If you are rigid, choosing one strategy always, your mood is reflected by your luck (?!).
Lets take the case of a rigid person. Wat determines his happiness? He will have no control over it. Extending the argument further, no one has control over life. So then one is prompted to think that this philosophy is fatalistic. I think early people realised the deep depression everyone will get into if they realise this truth. Hence they deviced god, hence karma, hence judgement day. Just to infuse some purpose into the chaos ruling our lives.

Satisfaction guaranteed

Every now and then (Mostly when I am depressed) I start wondering the purpose of life... To the illiterate, un-enlightened person (me in short), a good answer comes in one word : satisfaction. Satisfaction in what you do, satisfaction from the results of your action. A complexity I am not considering is the satisfaction derived from things totally out of your control like the satisfaction derived when India wins a cricket match.
It sounds very simple, but this theory can explain everyone's actions...


I heard this tsunami story about a man who lost all his children in Nagapattinam and buried them in the same beach which had claimed them, with his own hands. Now he has adopted so many children orphaned by the same disaster, creating for them a home away from orphanages. His lost children will never come back to him, but bringing up these children will give him some solace. He derived lots of happiness from adopting those children. In this context happiness and satisfaction become indistinguishable.



For a politician, defeating his opponent gives him satisfaction. Power gives him satisfaction. For actors, fame gives satisfaction. When they sleep after seeing a resounding opening of their film, they sleep with a great satisfaction. I can go on like this giving numerous examples.

Decisions and circumstances are pivots around which revolves satisfaction. Sometimes you decide to do something or become something. Then after that decision, whatever satisfaction you derive is mostly due to yourself. It is like what I want I will get. More important is when circumstances land you in a position which you never thought of (or worse against your decision an aspirations) This is exemplified in the case of the tsunami incident. The great guy would have never thought that he would lose all his kids the next day. The circumstances presented themselves, but he managed to somehow find some happiness in the midst of so much gloom.

It calls for intelligence. It calls for perspective too. In the end it boils down to whether you are intelligent enough to find some satisfaction whatever the situation presents.

To end it, there are of course the extremes. Some never find satisfaction in whatever they do. Some set their satisfaction levels so low that they hardly do anything.

Evolution

Well people will say its nostalgia, but it isnt. Every stage of life has been really special. In retrospect, I think I enjoyed most of it, even though it was anything but bliss. There were so many trials and tribulations. Well being homeless suddenly at 19 is not a great prospect(1), nor is your landlord being a kleptomaniac(2). Living 10 days in a month without money was also not a great accomplishment(3). But when I look back now, I can only feel elated at how passion was my only guiding principle. Yeah, at last I can define myself, an animal driven by passion.

I scored only one perfect grade all through my undergrad. The passion never sustained throughout any course. Even today I lose, again passion doesnt last throughout the game.

The reason that I suddenly find myself with(passion), is a good one, mainly because it has explained all the dichotomies that exist in me, all the characteristics inexplicable to any person who has come in contact with me.

The kottur gardens link road is still vivid in my mind, with its treat korner. So is RK foods.

What distinguish my undergrad years from my other years, is thats when I was outside all influence. I was responsible for everything I did. And to most part I dint have to ask permission(4). Suddenly now at 3:22 AM, I yearn for those streets. In my life, I have never missed anything. Till now. Theres sudden discord between my wants and availability.

I have a sudden feeling of elation as I realise that I have witnessed evolution(5). Yes I have just realised that I have been for years seeing detectable changes in my intellect (without knowing it). Like a sponge slowly absorbing water, the more and more exposed I become, everyday interpretations assume a new meaning...

And yet I evolve....

______________________
1) The great hostel crisis : the warden wanted a select group of us outside the hostel for some absurd excuse
2)There is no verifiable proof for this
3) I dont blame my parents. They gave lots of money, but at the beggining of the month. What resulted was obvious splurge on food. Atleast I dint splurge on gaming (zap)
4) My parents have been the most ideal. They stopped taking decisions for me since the time i had to choose an undergrad course. They love me a lot and are really concerned about me, but let me live in a world in which they have no say.
5) I wouldnt define evolution as a change to the better, because better is always subjective.